he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
