my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
