Jerry, you need to find god
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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