Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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