Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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