I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
