Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
