There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
