i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
