Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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