I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were trust falling into bushes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize