I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
should my penis look like a turkey
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
