Already got asked if we're dating
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize