her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
