We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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