I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
