Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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