I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
