She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
