My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
