Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
