i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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