I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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