can we get nightvision for the apartment?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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