You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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