Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
