Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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