does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
