Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
