trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Even my vagina gasped.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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