Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
farters have to be the big spoon...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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