Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
