I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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