It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
