i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i was born a porn star she said
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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