My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
