she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
