Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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