i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
