So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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