I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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