1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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