i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
