okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
