I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
