In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
this boner is exhausting
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
