we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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