I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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