yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
