I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
