Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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