i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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