haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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