im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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