if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am naked and annoyed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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