Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize