The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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