what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
