Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize