they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
