Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
