today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize