i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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