Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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