I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm passing your future prison.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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