I just saw a hot homeless man
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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