if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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