I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
