Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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