Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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