I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
