He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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