If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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