Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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