there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And then my night got REAL pukey
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
