fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize