I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
