how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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