I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
