She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
a search helicopter?!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
