why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
