So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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