just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize