My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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