no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
