Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
