so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
