I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
