She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
