My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
