I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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