first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
