I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's always time for handjobs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
