I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize