Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
