when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
