Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize