Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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