dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
