So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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