yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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