I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
