So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
