My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
