Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
