His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
