guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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