Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
