I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
